Daydreaming

My sleep wake cycle is a mess.

Lots of sleeping.

Little waking.

My head feels twice it’s normal weight.

And hurts too much.

Despite the amount of medication I take.

I’m even aware of how much it hurts when I’m sleeping.

And I’m even more aware of the generalized feeling of crumminess & nausea when I’m lying completely still.

Kinda like the ‘bed spins’.

Nothing makes it stop.

My throat is on fire

& feels like razor blades when I swallow.

Which is always

because we constantly

swallow our own saliva.

My mouth feels as if it’s coated with a protective layer of…

I don’t know,

I’m not feeling too creative,

but it just feels as if it coated with some sort of protective barrier ~

Like the fluoride swabs the hygienist paints on your teeth

except it’s my whole mouth,

but it doesn’t taste like bubblegum or strawberries.

It tastes like nothing.

I taste nothing.

And sense of smell ~

Nonexistent.

But I’m grateful for that.

I fear I wouldn’t be able to handle any smell due to the nausea.

And every time I wake,

Even if it’s a half awake haze.

Or any time I swallow.

All I can think about is eating a popsicle.

I just want a popsicle.

Daydreaming of popsicles.