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Writer's picturejodi

Father's Day Trigger

Updated: Jun 21, 2022

My first relationship

that crossed the line into adult territory

was an abusive one.


I was young,

so very very young.


My heart breaks for that young teenaged girl.

And the way that her first intimate relationship

fu<ked up a piece inside of her

that she has forever tried to heal from.


My stomach is in knots as I write these thoughts

and my eyes fill with tears.


It's hard to

speak this truth.


Even though so many people at that time could see it,

I couldn't, not really.


And it wasn't really talked about,

and least not to my face.


I mean, I knew the rule of

"no other guys being allowed to speak to me"

in high school...

was wrong.

But being the quiet good girl that I was raised to be,

I did what I was told.


And I was horrifically embarrassed

when this rule was "broken"

which led to physical violence

or threats of physical violence

toward

some nice guy

(even a teacher assigned lab partner)

because he

actually spoke to me.


It didn't feel good

being a timid

voiceless

little

bird

in a cage.


In the 90's bubble of a world that I was living in

there was no ME Too or Self Empowerment movements.

And if there were movements such as that,

they were lost on me,

I was essentially a child.


I didn't know that I deserved better.

I didn't know that this treatment towards a girl,

was inappropriate.

That is wasn't "love".


But I knew it felt wrong.


But I don't know why I tolerated it?

I don't know why I stayed in it?

It's Still something that I'm working on

after all of these years.


But I try to cut myself some slack,

After living a life filled with shame.

I was young and naive.

I didn't know any different.

I had never been in a relationship before.


You may ask, what does this have to do with Father's Day?

A lot.

You'll see.


This is just the prelude of a story

and I will take you to the epilogue...

but just not in one day.



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