One hundred and twenty one days of coming here to type out some sort of thought.
Some feeling.
Some idea.
Something.
This journey that I embarked on in January
with this blog
has shown me many things
about myself
and
many. many things about others
Introspection
Observation
Reflection
Words are words
and believe me, I love words
But
Actions...
that's what it's all about
That is the magic
where the change
happens
the growth
the becoming
better
This journey that I started in September
as a full time college student
that prompted this entire blog
has been a winding
bumpy path
a rollercoaster
and one
that I am so grateful that I have taken
And if I'm honest
at times it has been somewhat of a healing process
for so many things
in my life
And I'm learning that some wounds may never heal
And I'm learning where some began
So with that
it's also been somewhat a process of self discovery...
but that in itself is a part of healing
growing
changing
shifting
evolving
And in saying that,
this road has made me very aware of the things that I will no longer apologize for...
such as
My feelings
They are valid.
Always.
Full stop.
End sentence.
It's somewhat remarkable that I finally realize that now
At this point in my life
Isn't this something that I should've always known?
But right now
that's neither here nor there.
From here on in,
I will no longer apologize for my feelings.
Whether you call it
being "sensitive" or "too emotional"
I will never
again
ever
apologize
for feeling.
And on the flip side of that
I will not apologize for
lack of feeling
for being disinterested
for not agreeing
for having reached my capacity
of enduring things that no longer serve me
Or not even necessarily "serve me"
But no longer resonate with me
Perhaps it's that those things never really did
resonate
My frequency has changed
Or
Maybe
it's that
I am finally being true to Me
Who I am
Who I've been
Who I want to be
I will not surround myself with things that make me uncomfortable
With Things that I do not like
I will not hold space for toxic energy
I will not apologize
if I
shut myself off to something
or someone
if that is not for me
Because I have held space for those unwanted things most of my life
So I will not apologize
For closing a door
that I've always held open
because I was being polite
despite my discomfort
I will not apologize for no longer settling
for less than I deserve
I will not apologize
for letting go when I need to
Well actually,
I might apologize
I am Canadian after all
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