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  • Writer's picturejodi

Part Seven

I sit with him in his hospital room for the remainder of the night. I have stayed awake this long since of kids were babies. I hold his callused hand with a newfound respect and admiration as he peacefully sleeps. I wonder why this love feels so fresh, so pure, as if I have never felt it before. I now realize that it must have been inside of me and between us all along. I question myself and why I chose to ignore it, vowing to never let that happen again.

I guess sometimes we must come close to loss, feel the void it would cause, to realize all that we truly have.

As the rhythmic beeping of his heart monitor dances all around me and dawn is seen through the window, the nurse with kind eyes insists that I go home to get some rest. I concede without admitting that I need to go home, to wash away the betrayal, shame and guilt.

I kiss his cheek, a day of growth scratches my lips, it feels so real, so raw. I have longed for that for so long. I kiss him again.

“I love you” my words choke through my tears.

As I walk towards the front lobby, I am beyond exhausted but so full of life and hope for our new beginning. I know he truly loves me. I know he forgives me. I walk tall, slight curve of happiness on my lips, love filling the full depth of my heart. The type of love that a wife feels for her devoted husband, the type of love that completes her, it is the type of love that I have always needed, and it has been here all along. I will be better. I will not falter. I will not fail him again.

“CODE BLUE SURGICAL UNIT, CODE BLUE SURGICAL UNIT” echoes overhead but does not register into my conscious mind. I walk through the shiny glass doors with a new found purpose. I squint at the dawn of the bright new day, having no idea that he was waiting for me to leave, so that he could slip away with the peaceful ease of sunrise.


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